I thought I knew a thing or two about cats when we struck out that fateful day for the animal shelter to adopt Kitty 2 and wound up with Kitty 1 and Kitty 2 out of guilt and a goddamn bleeding heart.
See explanation here.
Having had cats growing up, I thought I knew what I was doing. What I discovered over the past few months of kittyhood, however, is that either I don’t know jack about cats or that both my cats are psycho and are in desperate need of a kitty mental health profesional.
10 Signs Your Cat is Mentally Ill
- She launches vicious and violent attacks against plastic bags as if they are out to get her.
- She runs, suddenly and without provocation, at top speed as if something’s chasing her.
- She prefers to hang out in the kitchen sink.
- She brutally decapitates toy mice, leaving their fluffy entrails scattered across the basement floor (anger-management is clearly one area in need of work).
- She likes to sit in the refrigerator.
- She likes to sniff everything including feet, dirty underwear and the other kitty’s butt.
- She likes to think she’s a person and drink from our water glasses whenever we’re not looking (I now have to hide my glass whenever I leave the room).
- She also finds it perfectly acceptable to take a place at the table for family dinners, set her little kitty paws astride the plate and eat spagetti with marinara sauce.
- She sniffs for scraps – popcorn, pasta, eggs – on the kitchen floor because she’s suffering from an identity crisis.
- She rests fitfully, waking whenever I enter the room, ever ready for battle, and I wonder what natural predators do domesticated cats have to guard against exactly?
I don’t know. I guess…
Like this. I’m not even kidding. I walked into my bedroom one day to find Kitty 2 sleeping on my pillow all tucked under the covers and everything. She was sleeping late. I guess she forgot to set the alarm.
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