10 Signs Your Cat’s in Need of a Mental Health Professional

I thought I knew a thing or two about cats when we struck out that fateful day for the animal shelter to adopt Kitty 2 and wound up with Kitty 1 and Kitty 2 out of guilt and a goddamn bleeding heart.

2 Kitties

Two kitties

See explanation here.

Having had cats growing up, I thought I knew what I was doing. What I discovered over the past few months of kittyhood, however, is that either I don’t know jack about cats or that both my cats are psycho and are in desperate need of a kitty mental health profesional.

Psycho Kitty

10 Signs Your Cat is Mentally Ill

  1. She launches vicious and violent attacks against plastic bags as if they are out to get her.
  2. She runs, suddenly and without provocation, at top speed as if something’s chasing her.
  3. She prefers to hang out in the kitchen sink.
  4. She brutally decapitates toy mice, leaving their fluffy entrails scattered across the basement floor (anger-management is clearly one area in need of work).
  5. She likes to sit in the refrigerator.
  6. She likes to sniff everything including feet, dirty underwear and the other kitty’s butt.
  7. She likes to think she’s a person and drink from our water glasses whenever we’re not looking (I now have to hide my glass whenever I leave the room).
  8. She also finds it perfectly acceptable to take a place at the table for family dinners, set her little kitty paws astride the plate and eat spagetti with marinara sauce.
  9. She sniffs for scraps – popcorn, pasta, eggs – on the kitchen floor because she’s suffering from an identity crisis.
  10. She rests fitfully, waking whenever I enter the room, ever ready for battle, and I wonder what natural predators do domesticated cats have to guard against exactly?

Good Kitty

I don’t know. I guess…

Never Understand Kitties

Kitty 2

Like this. I’m not even kidding. I walked into my bedroom one day to find Kitty 2 sleeping on my pillow all tucked under the covers and everything. She was sleeping late. I guess she forgot to set the alarm.

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photo credit: Viola & Cats =^..^= via photopin cc


21 thoughts on “10 Signs Your Cat’s in Need of a Mental Health Professional

    1. Maybe since I was a kid when we had cats, I don’t remember the weird things they did. I’ve heard about cats chewing hair. My friend told me her cat did it. It’s their way of saying, “I love you.”

    1. I thought only dogs sniff butts. Plus, it’s just Kitty 2 that sniffs the other kitty’s butt. Kitty 1 doesn’t do it.

  1. Ha! When I was younger, my mom and I went to the shelter and also came home with two. Some bs about them being brothers, and they need company, blah blah blah. One was normal…the other pissed in our sinks.

    Love the pic of your cat in the bed!!!! Too funny!

  2. Oh yeah, it was great. I had an ear infection the whole time and couldn’t hear worth a shit. Guess there are worse infections to have on a kid-free vacation.

  3. My cat just gave birth to 6 kittens, and after 4 days she now hates one of the kittens, she bite her and get mad at us when we try to protect the kitten. what do I do please help

  4. We’ve never had cats (my husband is deathly allergic), but I can tell you we went to the Human Society for one puppy and came home with two. I do not know how people work there. I would have a zoo!!! Love the kitty in the bed pic. – thought about rephrasing that but need coffee. 😉

  5. We had doggish cats like that. They even played fetch. Never a dull moment between toes being pounced on in the middle of the night or herding a mouse into the bedroom.

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