This .5K Run is Exactly How Every Race Should Be

You may have already heard about the race “for the rest of us.” It happened over the weekend in Boerne, TX, but it’s just too great to let go without comment.

The good people of Boerne came up with the only race that makes any kind of sense, a .5K one. You read that right. PIONT 5K. These are my people. They understand running is stupid. Why would anyone run unless it’s after the ice cream truck? Cars were invented for a reason, people. We don’t have to run anymore.

I have a few friends who like to do marathon and whenever they ask me if I want to sign up for a race with them my response is always the same. “Why would I want to do that?” What about slogging through 26 torturous miles of agony sounds like a good time? I think I’ll have to pass. You go run your New York City Marathon. I’ll be here on my couch in my jammies leisurely sipping my coffee and shoveling a thick stack of warm, fluffy pancakes into my face. Have fun, though!

.5K Race for the Rest of Us in TX

This 500-yard run is truly a race for the people, though, welcoming those of all skill levels, the conditioned and unconditioned, underachievers and overachievers alike. The event, scheduled from 11:00 a.m. to 11:05 a.m., saw the need for participants to have time to do other things with their Saturday. Like not running. But that’s only if participants didn’t stop at the refueling station. Realizing people might get hungry or fatigued during the challenge, the organizers arranged for a coffee and doughnut station at the mid-way point. Budgeting in time for a pitstop organizers estimated the race would take “like 10 minutes.”  

The event organizers left no detail overlooked. They had plenty of beer on hand and a medical tent, which the claimed may or may not be staffed so participants competing the grueling .31 mile course may or may not have their injuries addressed. And in classic Boerne .5K style, runners didn’t have to wait until the end of the race to throw back a beer. A free pint was handed out at the starting line.

All those who were able to finish the race received a medal and a .5K sticker to proudly display on their car windshields. For those for whom 500 yards is simply too far, the race offered a VIP option. For an additional $25 runners could dispense with the running altogether. VIPs receive an even larger medal as they’ve earned it.

This is one race I’d actually like to do. And I’m not alone. Plenty of proud underachievers flocked to sign up, and the event filled way ahead of race day, which is great because this good time supports a good cause, raising money for a local charity.

The popularity caught the organizers by surprise. On the sign-in page they wrote, “We really had no idea we would have this many people sign up.” 

They should have. This is genius.

To satisfy demand, the ingenious organizers came up with another ingenious idea. They introduced the “Procrastinators Prize Pack.” Their Facebook Page stated, “For a limited time only, for only $25 you too can pretend like you participated in the race. You’ll get a t-shirt, the participation medal and the super pretentious oval 0.5k bumper sticker.”

I never thought I’d say this, but I might have to move to Texas.

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